He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
