if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
