Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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