we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
