Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
