I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just pee around me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
