My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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