me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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