I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
