Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
