I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
