just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
