I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize