Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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