Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize