he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
