She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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