I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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