Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize