After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
