I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
