Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
