do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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