Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
