1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
