I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
