You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
