If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
NoShamevember. You game?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
