There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
