I'm eating all of the evidence.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
