I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize