is wine microwaveable?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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