CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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