You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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