i just google imaged poop.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am never drinking with the goths again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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