Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
