Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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