Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
