my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
