its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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