so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
