the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
