YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
