Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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