He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
