Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
