apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
