i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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