She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
