so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
