I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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