That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
