I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
don't judge my taste in strippers
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
