Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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