it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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