i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
