dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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