I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
