His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
In America we eat man semen.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
