RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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