He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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