The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
