Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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