it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
